VOLUME 1
The process of Life
Chapter 1: Growing pains Chapter 2: Why so much pain? Chapter 3: The path of freedom
Chapter 1: Growing pains
After I responded to the Lord and found His forgiveness and life (this was shared in Booklet 2), I experienced a sense of peace and joy in my heart. However, in the next few years, my faith in God did not grow much. I remained immature and weak in my personal knowledge of God.
One day in school, one of my friends asked me, "I notice that Christians are eager to witness to other people, to share with non-Christians what they believe in. Why is it that I do not see you doing that?" I replied, "I think I would do more harm than good if I were to do that." Although I had responded to God's grace and received His forgiveness, I was at that time unsure and unstable in my walk with Him. I had known His peace in my heart, but I felt rather lost in this new phase in my life. I could not honestly say that my life was filled with 'peace and joy'.
I could carry on with my daily responsibilities, relate with friends and concentrate on my studies in school. I found daily activities enjoyable but something was missing within my heart. Although I believed in God, He was not deeply real and personal in my daily life. I had not yet known the liberating richness of the meaning and purpose in life that He intends for us. I seemed to be merely existing day by day in this world without a clear and strong direction in life. I knew that unless my faith in the Lord became deeply meaningful and stable, I could not share with others the message of the gospel with depth of conviction and reality. I would be transmitting words without significant spiritual substance and life.
I was not distressed by any major difficulty or problem in my life. However, my heart was heavy as I knew that there was much more meaning in life that was not yet real within my heart. I did not spend much time in prayer or reading of the Scriptures as I did not know how to do so meaningfully, but I clearly remember that I prayed to God regularly, possibly every day. It was a specific and short prayer that I prayed over and over again as it expressed the deepest longing of my heart. Usually, before I slept, I would pray, "O God, please give me a meaningful life." There was nothing specific that I wanted, but I knew that I wanted true and deep meaning in life. I did not know what that would mean, but I asked God to bring it about in my life.
I am deeply grateful to God for granting my simple and earnest request. The meaningfulness of life that He has brought into my heart has surpassed my greatest hopes and longings. He helped me to appreciate that a life of purity of heart and deep oneness with the morally perfect God is the most meaningful and fulfilling life that a moral being can ever wish for and develop. "Blessed are the pure in heart, for they shall see God" (Matthew 5: 8) has become increasingly meaningful. It is a life of the deepest peace and the highest level of freedom in the heart in all situations of this life and beyond. God has offered this quality of life to all who honestly count the cost and decisively give up all to follow Him. As I seek to continue to learn from the Lord, I will also seek, by His enabling, to share what I have benefited.
In the midst of seeking to grow in the Lord, many a Christian discovers that the initial phase of peace and joy in the Lord does not continue. Often, problems and pain destroy his peace and dampen his joy in the Lord, bringing dismay and discouragement, while exciting things in the world bring a substitute and superficial peace and joy, often accompanied by guilt and loss of meaning in life.
The following are some developments that may take place in some form or other in his life.
When a situation of pain and danger arises, fear and self-preservation lead to faltering in his faith in the Lord and compromise in his loyalty to Him. In the midst of the storm, his peace is shattered and his confidence is shaken, bringing searching questions on the quality of his commitment. He finds himself unable to cope with the pressures and uncertainties of this world, and feels insecure and sorrowful.
The contentment of knowing the Lord and the joy of walking with Him are also challenged by alluring temptations from this world. Enjoyable experiences and exciting events, the power of wealth and the approval and praise of men draw him away from abiding in the Lord and His righteousness. In the midst of laughter and enjoyment, a sense of guilt and failure grows in his heart. He goes through times of depression as he feels overwhelmed by this world and laments his helplessness and poor testimony.
As he struggles to improve his spiritual state, he seeks to take his stand for the Lord, and finds himself ridiculed and isolated and jeered. In his efforts to be kind and helpful, he realizes that others do not respond in like manner but malign and mock him in his faith. They view him as a person 'without a backbone' who needs the crutch of believing in a God whom they declare does not exist, since 'scientific evidence shows that there is no God'. He feels lonely and tormented and cries out to God for help, but the problems do not go away.
In the midst of his struggles, God seems far away and at times he questions whether his faith in God is well-founded. Is he living on the basis of an illusion? Does God really exist, or is this just wishful thinking? Is there ultimate reality and final justice? Why not join the crowd and enjoy the 'freedom' others have, without constantly restraining and restricting himself, and depriving himself of the enjoyment of this world? Is it worthwhile to pursue this path of holiness?
From time to time he receives encouragement from the Lord, as He helps him in his difficulties and answers his prayers in time of need. However, this is soon forgotten in the midst of suffering and pain that seem to be increasing in frequency and intensity. He wonders if God truly cares for him. At times he grumbles and complains that God is not fair to him in allowing him to go through so much suffering.
In his distress, he looks around him and perceives that other Christians do not seem to be suffering as much as he is. Many seem so happy in their faith and appreciated by others. It seems that God favours them while he is neglected. This view increases his sense of frustration and he wallows in self-pity, lamenting his miserable circumstances.
The situations described above are some manifestations of 'growing pains' in our spiritual development, rather similar to what often happens in the natural realm, when pleasant memories of carefree childhood are replaced by traumatic experiences of less sheltered youth as we face realities of life in shouldering greater personal responsibilities in the process of development towards adulthood.
In spiritual development, we see three stages mentioned in 1 John 2: 12-14: the "little children", the "fathers" and the "young men". In this passage, the spiritual associations imply that these terms refer to their spiritual stature. The "little children" have come to know God as their Father, having found forgiveness and life - they have been born again spiritually. They have the potential to become "fathers", who have developed a deep personal knowledge of the eternal sovereign God and oneness with Him. This process of growth passes through the stage of "young men", who are strong and are able to overcome the evil one. The path involves difficulties and opposition, which often bring pain and suffering. They equip us to stand firm in the storms of life, as we develop deep convictions of our own and grow strong in the Lord. Some aspects of these 'growing pains' are an integral part of our process of learning and growth towards maturity, such as difficult environment and spiritual opposition. Other aspects are the result of failure to respond well in this process and are commonly present in the process of learning and growth. In the spiritual realm, such 'growing pains' can continue to be experienced even after many years as a Christian.
The varied situations of life that we experience, including pain and difficulties, are very valuable not only for developing quality of character but also in bringing forth another aspect of deep meaningfulness and great beauty: the depth and richness of the uniqueness of each one of us. We see the beauty of character in Daniel and Paul. In addition, we can also appreciate the meaningfulness of their lives as unique persons. I was deeply impressed by the beauty of our uniqueness when I took a train journey from Adelaide to Perth during a university vacation, travelling for about two days across arid land for a distance of more than a thousand kilometres. Whenever I looked out of the window, I saw vast stretches of eucalyptus trees. Occasionally, a hare or a wallaby darted across the scene, but it was what could have been perceived as monotonous, unvarying and boring scenery. However, prior to that journey, I had entered into a deeper and more meaningful relationship with God, and when I looked out of the window, I marvelled at the beauty of God's creation. What impressed me most strikingly was the observation and realization that each eucalyptus tree was different from the others around it. Some trees were tall; others were short. There were those with many leaves and others with few leaves. Some were bent in a certain direction while others were bent in other directions. There were many other features, which showed the vast range of patterns and specific variations. Each tree was unique and had its own beauty. When I returned home, this was also clearly and beautifully evident in the many different kinds of trees that I could see around me.
Each tree, whether eucalyptus or coconut tree, is unique and has its own beauty
I pondered over the uniqueness of each tree in the physical realm and was filled with wonder and joy as I thought of the uniqueness of each one of us in the moral and spiritual realm. God has created each one of us as distinct individuals, with the power to make our own moral choices and with vast potential for great good, but also capable of grave evil. In His grace and wisdom, He watches over us and seeks to test us and train us through varied situations of life. Our distinctiveness as unique individuals grows as we make our choices in the different situations that we go through. Although each tree is unique, we recognize that they are all trees. So too, while each one of us is unique, we are all moral human beings. In the midst of our distinctiveness, if we respond well, each in our own context, we become morally and spiritually beautiful people, with the character of the Lord Jesus manifested in each one of us.
God knows each one of us personally. The Lord Jesus tells us that the sheep know the voice of the true shepherd and he "calls his own sheep by name and leads them forth". He then referred to Himself as the good shepherd who not only knows His sheep deeply and personally but who also lays down His life for the sheep because of His love for them (John 10: 1-18). In His care for us, God leads us through or allows us to go through many varied situations of life, including painful times as well as pleasant times. If we respond well through such times, we grow in the quality of our being and the rich uniqueness of our personal lives. We should be careful not to compete with others or compare the circumstances of our lives and question how God has dealt with each one of us. Instead, we should be grateful to God for seeking to help every one of us to develop our potential to the highest level in our contexts. When the Lord Jesus told the apostle Peter to follow Him, instead of concentrating on a deep personal response to the Lord, Peter asked the Lord what would happen to the apostle John. The Lord Jesus replied, "If I want him to remain until I come, what is that to you? You follow Me" (John 21: 15-23). How God decides to deal with different ones is not easy for us to appreciate when we do not know in depth the contexts of their lives. We should carefully and prayerfully concentrate on what is relevant to us and not be distracted and negatively affected by unhealthy curiosity or comparisons with others. We can then meaningfully look forward to whatever the Lord desires us to learn in all situations.
Is this your experience?
In your spiritual journey, did you go through (are you still going through) the phase of 'growing pains'? What was (is) your response?
Do you think that we can skip this phase and enter into a life of strength and stability immediately after we are born again? What is the reason?
If you only want peace but not pain,
You have to learn again and again!