BOOKLET 2
Wanting Life
Chapter 1: Looking for Life Chapter 2: Why we do not find Life Chapter 3: How we can find Life
Chapter 2: Why we do not find Life
Why is it that I did not find life even though I wanted it so much? As I look back now, I see that much of what I had done in those days was based on what I liked, what was more enjoyable to me. I tried to be good, but I was often drawn to things which I found enjoyable at that time. I ended up doing many things that were enjoyable but not good for myself or for others.
My family was poor, in material things. At times I ate porridge with salted vegetable and salted egg, or porridge with sauce, and other simple food. Although these were quite tasty, I looked forward to more enjoyable food.
Once a year, I could enjoy a bowl of flour vermicelli with one duck egg and one chicken egg. My mother would prepare this for us on our birthdays every year. Another time of the year that I looked forward to very much was the Chinese New Year reunion dinner when there would be many delicious dishes.
As a young boy, I knew that if I had more money, I could enjoy a greater variety of food. During school days, I was given five cents a day as pocket money and ten cents a day for bus fare. I often walked a long distance to school to save the money to buy food at the canteen.
In school, I found other ways to have more money to buy the food I liked. During those days, I could play the game of marbles quite well. There were a few of us who would gather in one part of the school grounds to gamble, through playing games with marbles. I was able to win often and so had more money to buy things that I liked. We had to be alert to look out for the school servant who would be looking for us, as we were not allowed to gamble in school.
I was so eager to have more money that I did not care that those who lost in the game would have less money for their own needs. I was in fact also influencing others to break the school rules when I gambled with them. I was drawing others towards being greedy in heart. This happens when enjoyment is so important.
In February this year, I spoke to a man who was repairing cars for a living. He told me that when he was younger, he used to gamble heavily. He knew that he should not gamble, but he found it hard to stop. He lost much money, and because of what he owed to others, he had to sell his house. With all his money gone, he stopped gambling and was now happy that he could earn a simple living. He said, "If I have enough for daily needs, that is enough for me."
There are many ways that people gamble. They may gamble with playing cards or gambling machines, or bet on horse racing and other events. Others want to get money quickly by buying and selling shares, often borrowing money and checking on the stock market daily to know what to buy and sell, as prices go up and down.
When we gamble, we think of ourselves and what we want, and we do not care much whether it is right or wrong, good or bad. We become more and more self-centred and often unfair and unkind towards others.
Many may say that they do not gamble. If we look at the reason for gambling, the meaning within the heart, we will find that it is basically because of a wrongful desire to own or possess. We want it because we like it, even when it is not good or right. This is called covetousness.
Gambling is an example of covetousness. When we are jealous of others who have what we do not have, it is also covetousness. When we are dishonest because of what we want, it is the same thing. Whenever we long for something that is not right for us to have, it is the spirit of covetousness.
When we live in this way, God will be angry with us and He cannot be close to us. We know that a close relationship of love and kindness among people is very meaningful. We can see then that what is most meaningful will be such a relationship with God, who is perfectly good and kind. When we go our own way, our hearts will not be pure and God will not be close to us. We will not have the life of God and we will then not be able to find the meaningful life that we are seeking for. The Lord Jesus says, "Blessed are the pure in heart, for they shall see God" (Matthew 5: 8).
When we do wrong, it is like a dark cloud that hides us from the light of the life of God
What we see then is darkness and blackness
When God created the first man and woman, He gave them the choice, whether they would follow Him and His ways, which are good, or go their own way. When they chose their own way, a change took place within their heart. They became afraid of God and wanted to hide from Him. Their heart had become ugly and they knew that God was angry with them.
The Lord Jesus explains that those who love what is good will also love the light from God and will come to the light, but those who choose what is not good will want to hide from the light of God (John 3: 19-21). Often, we are not so aware that this is what we are doing, running away from God and His light.
We may even try to find a way to comfort ourselves that there is no God so that we can continue to do the things that we like and not to worry about what He would do to us. At times, we choose to believe in a "god" that we are more comfortable with, one who will give us the things that we like, and all that we need to do is to please him by making some offerings to him.
During those days, when I was living for myself and seeking my own enjoyment, God was not real to me in my daily life even though in my heart there was some awareness of the presence of God. I enjoyed many things, yet in my heart I knew that there was no depth of meaning in my life.
The Lord Jesus says that what we treasure will affect our heart. He tells us, "Where your treasure is, your heart will be there also" (Matthew 6: 21). When you seek for the things of this world, you make your choices with this direction in life. Your heart will become more and more set in this way of life.
The Lord Jesus asks this question, "For what does it profit a man to gain the whole world and to lose his soul?" (Mark 8: 36). If we live for the wrong things in life, it will hurt us in our own heart, our own soul, and there will be no beauty in our character. We will also go further and further away from God, who is perfectly good in character. He will not find it meaningful to be close to us.
If we want to find life, we must choose the right treasure we want, in our heart. This treasure will then become more and more a part of our heart and will affect the way we live. The Lord Jesus says, "For out of the overflowing of the heart, the mouth speaks. The good man, out of the good treasure, puts forth good things and the evil man out of the evil treasure puts forth evil things" (Matthew 12: 34, 35).
Many of us want to know God. We want Him to be close to us. We want Him to help us and give us the things that we think will bring happiness. We want to go to Heaven when we die and to live happily ever after, according to our fairy-tale ideas and desires.
We want all these, yet we do not spend time and make effort to find out what God really cares about, what is important and meaningful to Him. We do not seek Him to know what He wants to tell us, but we are upset when we do not get what we desire, and we complain that He does not care about what we want!
Where are you looking?
What is it that you spend your time thinking about most of the time? Where do you think you will be able to find the life that you are looking for?
Have you been covetous in your life? If so, what have you done to correct it?
Living for yourself may seem so good
But you will die without spiritual food